Porcelainians, is it true that St. Ralph is punishing us because Adam ate the big white mint?

Doesn't Saint Ralph understand Frat hazing? Why does he curse us with that feeling when that last beer starts going down, and then comes right back up? When that last shot burns just a little too much and then your stomach jerks? Why does he NEED us to sing his praises whilst the bellows in the tank play the flushing tune? Why does the church bulletin always say "sanitized for your protection?"